Cyber Conversation

Background Noise

The current population of the world can be split into two categories; those that remember their life without the internet (or experienced life without the internet) and those that do not remember their life without the internet (or never experienced life without the internet)

While the internet was invented sometime back in the 60’s, it’s hard to pinpoint when it became ubiquitous. The world currently has locations and perhaps regions, where there’s no form of internet, but, for most of the world, the presence of the world wide web has become very normal. Furthermore, many people now gain access to the web at a young age and the devices we have access to are small enough to fit into our pocket or wear on our wrist.

I recall back in 2010 when I got a Nexus One; I was fascinated by the capabilities of the phone. Back then, I remember the split between those people who didn’t have smartphones and those that did. The idea of checking your E-mail on the go was foreign, messaging for free was exclusive to Blackberries services (but changed with the availability of Whatsapp and Viber). With the release of the Samsung Galaxy series, the iPhones and other phone companies, slowly, everybody converted to smartphones and now it seems absurd that some people wouldn’t want to use a smartphone (usually for work or to escape large chat groups.) The exact day that I felt that everybody was on the internet might be hard to ascertain, but it would’ve been sometime by 2012 that I noticed everything coming to the internet. Smart watches, smart TVs and smart shoes…

Prior to my nexus one, I remember the days of dial up, then the upgrade to DSL, and all those small technological jumps that occurred in phones, video games and other forms of technology. Wireless internet was a huge leap, especially when you think about going from a download speed of 56kb to 128Kb; both of which seem painfully slow now. Some people however, might’ve grown up a certain way or have been born later than I, and for them, the internet has always been in place; just as I’ve never lived in a world that doesn’t have a fridge, they’ve never been in a world with no internet.

What I find fascinating is that despite many people incorporating the internet into their daily routine, very few pause and question the effects that the internet has on us and our ways of thinking; overlooking the behavioral changes it induces and the shift it causes within us…

For example, nobody points out the withdrawal symptoms people get when their internet is down or they’re in a place with no service. Many people exhibit significant rage when their internet connection goes slow or there’s lag. The type of humor a person will laugh at will change depending on where they’re getting their jokes from. People who tend to get their memes/jokes from reddit begin thinking like redditors and people who get their memes/jokes from 9gag begin thinking like 9gaggers; what one community might find funny, the other could consider offensive and yet, people who spend their time on one website begin finding that type of humor funny after a while. These are all effects the internet has, but they’re also topics for other days, what this post is concerned with is communication and how it’s changing with profuse internet usage. Currently, we tend to favor fast methods of communication over slow methods of communication (makes sense), but we forget that one cannot have depth and speed simultaneously, the two forces oppose each other.

As we are today, we exist simultaneously in physical space and cyber space. We are integrated into ourselves such that our thoughts include sharing and posting; some people communicate in GIFS and emoticons. However, something that is being lost in the buzz of the noise is the ability to communicate effectively, or rather, to elaborate on one’s own thoughts without reliance on tools for assistance.

The construction of a sentence by writing or typing yields different results. At the very least, because we can type as fast as we think, compared to writing, which is a slower process, typing inheres to different sentences. Typing is probably the fastest method of translating one’s thoughts. Therefore, we are likely to type the first thing that comes to our mind when we think/communicate with another party. We might delete some early forms of the message, maybe a couple of times before typing out what we think, but ultimately, we are unlikely to put as much effort in typing a message as we would into writing a letter. The slower process of writing stirs up our inner thoughts and, I believe, activates more sections of the brain by comparison.

To add to the complexity, the interval of time we spend to communicate is also declining. When the internet was still young, chat programs were not as mobile as they are today. People were tethered to their computer, because we only had desktops (and bulky laptops perhaps). We would spend more time in communication, for we could not multitask the process. Whereas some people can be chatting on Whatsapp or telegram while they’re at a meeting, a lecture, the gym or any other place, the early days of the internet found that if people want to talk online, they had to be sitting down at home or an internet café simply talking to the other party. It was also common to send E-mails to friends and family to communicate over long holidays (summer or winter breaks) or when we had traveled somewhere.

With the spread of Smart Technology, the internet has become integrated into our very speech. Some people will say “lol” out loud instead of laughing out loud, there are instances of memes manifesting into the physical world where people will talk a certain way or act in a manner because of a popular meme. Additionally, our devices store the physical aspects of our communicative heritage. Our letters to E-mail. Our Photos to JPEGS. Our diction to auto correct or word checking software. Eventually, we outsource our explanations to the phone as it contains everything our brain is processing and it’s easier to share using the phone.

To meet a friend is different than seeing them in person. When two people want to “Go out and catch up” they can do it in person and make small talk (nice weather right?), large talk (could we ever have life without intelligence?) or commit to staying on a chat program for a meeting’s length of time. Do you feel video chatting is the same as seeing the person in terms of conversation? Would two people talk about the same things if they saw each other in person?

Many aspects could be elaborated on when looking at the effects of cyberspace on man, but what particularly interests me in this post, is the difference that’s occurred in conversation within social groups after the internet has entered our daily lives.

From Cyber Conversation to Chat

When the internet first hosted chat programs, the cyber world was a different place. Prior to the rise of social media platforms, chat programs like mIRC, AoL and MSN dominated the methods people would use to communicate online. Not unlike Whatsapp or telegram, you’d type messages and the other person would read them; they had emoticons and you could send files. What was different however, was the fact that everybody online was at their computer, not talking through a device that fits into their pocket.

What resulted, was a deeper conversational experience. On MSN, and perhaps it was just because of the time it came out (I was what, 13-18?), my friends and I would spend hours each day communicating, not chatting. The conversations were about our feelings, thoughts and experiences, hopes and dreams. Because we were all online, and couldn’t be anywhere but on the computer, people could spend more time talking about what they were doing and what happened and why they felt a certain way; this in turn, trained their ability to express themselves. Even while in college, till about sophomore year, I would still communicate with people via MSN and talk about college and how it was different from high school.

In today’s world, people follow each other on Snapchat or Instagram and instantly know whether the person has traveled, went to a restaurant or done virtually anything they post; resulting in fewer things to say when people finally meet. Obviously, one can still talk and explain everything about their trip and share their adventures, but what usually ends up happening is that people share images and videos of what they did there to show what it was like, not realizing that a photo or a video of a place alone is nothing in comparison to the potential of a person’s explanation of the experience of being there.

You could have a friend who went to Bali and shows you images of their beautiful mountains, beaches and forests, but to be able to express what it was like being on the beach, the wind, the sand, the people, the delicious fruits and awesome waves, the image expands and becomes much larger than what a set of photos or videos could ever hope to capture, because you get the perspective of the individual that experienced it.

I find it extremely important that humans gain control of their own expression as it helps them find their path in life and guides them through their emotions. Furthermore, as we explain our memories to friends, we are more likely to remember how we felt in that moment, long after it had passed. Showing friend’s, a video of a concert doesn’t help us remember what we did the morning of the show and with time, our memories degrade to what we have on a video because we didn’t rejuvenate the memories in our mind. Because our devices can capture so much, and we can share so easily, I feel like the internet (or computers, or both) robs us of putting our experiences into words by convincing us that our experiences are just a set of photos and videos that we can capture and share using a device. Neglecting all the other stimuli and feelings that might’ve arisen during the process of experience.

With time, the human brain loses its ability to describe things intricately and what place a conversation would’ve had becomes more so, a chat. People begin to feel like elaborating on things in a conversation takes too long and rely on the faster methods of communication via images, videos and simple responses. Slowly isolating people communicatively. Chatting becomes a trade of quick updates on what shows people are watching, games they’re playing, funny videos they’ve seen and the deeper meaning of what it is to conversate with another person slowly fades.

One manifestation I attribute to this drive towards chatting is the frequency in which people want to learn new things while talking. A curious brain tends to behave like it’s knowledge hungry; when people conversate, they’re more willing to learn about new things and explore confusing implications (Wait, what did you mean when you said X?). When people chat, they’re more likely to learn about things they already know a great deal about or talk about things in which they’re familiar, otherwise, their response becomes a simple response (Mhm, cool, that’s nice).

Perhaps I’m reading too far into it, but in my country of Kuwait, that’s how it seems.

Conversation Depletion

On top of this drive towards chatting (as opposed to conversating) it’s not uncommon for people to be on their phone as they’re talking or listening (hearing?) in today’s conversations. People multitask sending E-mails, playing games or going through social feeds as they listen to their friends talking, or their teachers lecture or virtually anything. With constant availability of the internet, the idle state of the human mind can go to cyberspace when it isn’t engaged enough with another party at any time.

When a person is on their phone, we tend to think that the person is handling something they need to handle.  As a speaker, I can’t assume that just because the person in front of me is on their phone, they’re not doing something they need to do, I don’t know if they’re emailing their boss or registering for something that has a deadline. There was a movement that tried to coin the term “Phubbing” (snubbing a person with your phone) but I think that the issue here is not necessarily an intentional one (though sometimes it could be); I really think that a lot of people are developing a habit without realization because they’re losing the ability to hold a conversation and it’s so easy to just take out your phone and do what you’re used to doing on your phone.

A conversation requires that both parties make progression. If someone were to say:

“Weather isn’t bad, right?”

and the other party responds with:

“Yeah, it’s nice.” (simple response)

The conversation doesn’t have much room for progression; however, if the other party were to say:

“Yeah, it’s not a bad idea to go walk in a park”

Or

“Yeah, I remember the weather was like this when I last went camping”

Or virtually anything beyond just responding to what the person is saying/commenting on, will help progress the conversation, as both parties are providing each other with something to say or build upon. This can be extended to discussions about virtually anything; so long as each party is providing the other with a tiny extension, they can pave the road of the conversation indefinitely.

However, when one of the parties is on their phone, it becomes difficult for them to provide this extension as they’re brain is already engaged in something else. Even an attempt at sharing a basic thought as you are reading an article, Email or doing anything on your phone is difficult without practice, and even if you did practice, why would you want to multitask having a conversation with a person in the first place?

Communication is about both parties creating time to talk to one another and share thoughts, it’s not supposed to be something to do while you do something else, especially not anything that’ll occupy attention significantly, unless your only interest is making small talk.

Luckily, it’s not considered offensive to be on your phone while a person is talking to you in 2017, but are we truly engaged in communication if this becomes the standard? Are we thinking about what words to use to describe how we feel or what we mean to say or are we just providing an answer to convince the other party that we are listening to what they’re saying?

What I believe is happening in conversations when one party is on their phone is something like this:

• The Speaking party talks to the listening party.
• The listening party is on their phone and doesn’t extend the conversation. (“That’s cool”)
• The speaking party ends up depleting all their thoughts (they talk about the weather, games, family, their studies etc)
• Eventually, the speaking party has nothing to say and the listening party isn’t expected to say anything themselves, as they responded to the last statement the speaking party uttered.
• The speaking party ends up going on their phone to pass the time because they have nothing more to say.
• Each party then finds something to say / show the other on their phone but neither party ever truly progresses the conversation to a significant degree.
• This results in the “Together Alone” phenomenon in which a group of people are sitting together, but each is on their phone.

This phenomenon of being together on phones is not necessarily a bad thing, it could just be the dynamic that works for a certain group of people, but what I seem to notice is that people tend to take their phone out more so out of habit than desire, not realizing that it’s taking away from the moment they’re in. Even a trip with friends that can’t be posted online might seem bleak to some people, but perhaps that’s a topic for a different day; this post is on communication.

Ultimately, the method and expectancy of conversations changes with groups and settings; people don’t talk the same way to different people nor do they talk the same at different locations. A wedding or a gaming convention are likely to result in different conversations, however, what is important is that we maintain our engagement in each other as we conversate with family and friends, as conversation is what binds societies and friendships together. Conversation is what allows people to settle their differences and clarify misconceptions. Conversation is what allows for people to engage each other mentally and learn from each other, it is evolution of the mind.

Conversation is the human condition and we are slowly becoming robots.